#17 - Listen Better
Listen with Your Hands | 7 Essential Questions | 5 Ways to Listen Better | 10 Ways to Have Better Conversations
Hello,
What have been your best conversations in the past few weeks? I had quite a few great ones, all very different: a few quiet minutes with my husband here and there when kids suddenly get quiet; unexpected joyful online reconnections with people I have not seen for ages; long phone discussions with my twin sister and parents when time is never enough to share everything; weekend calls with a dear friend - our ritual of sharing and mutual support; a thoughtful discussion with my mentor on an important matter; and finally, time spent face-to-face with colleagues and friends I got used to seeing only on Zoom… All these conversations were different, yet united in one thing: I took time to be there and listen.
Listening is such a precious thing. It’s a gift of attention, patience and curiosity we can give to others. And it benefits ourselves just as much. I am not a very good listener. If left unchecked, I tend to quickly jump to conclusions or solutions, tend to lose patience and interrupt. I have to consciously force myself to listen better. In this newsletter, I wanted to share the ideas that help me be a better listener and have better conversations. I hope you find them useful too.
Listen with Your Hands
If listening seems so easy, then why are we so bad at it? The problem with listening is that some very powerful things get in the way. And the problem with the traditional advice about active listening is that it often teaches us how to PRETEND that we are listening, rather than how to ACTUALLY listen. Let me share with you a technique that has served me countless times in crucial conversations and works wonders in the current predominantly virtual environment. Read more
Book Recommendation: The Coaching Habit
Do you want to know a secret of a good conversation? The one that gets things done and help people own their ideas and develop their potential? Speak less. Ask more. Ask better questions. Actually listen to answers. And tame your inner Advice Monster. This book unpacks ideas that help us make the most of every conversation and change the way we lead for the better. Try out using the 7 Essential Questions and adopting the 8 Good Habits, and you will be amazed by their power - just as I have been. Read more
Worth Watching: 5 Ways to Listen Better
“In this short, fascinating talk, Treasure shares five ways to re-tune your ears for conscious listening - to other people and the world around you.” - TED
Worth Watching: 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation
“Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations.” My favorite takeaway: “There is no reason to learn how to show you’re paying attention if you are in fact paying attention”. Following this TED talk, Celeste Headlee wrote a very good book “We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter” - a deep dive into each of the 10 rules. - TED