#12 - Let It Go
I'm writing this newsletter on Mother's Day, feeling lucky and happy, feeling love and gratitude. So the things I want to share will be less professional and more personal than usual.
New Article: On Letting Go Well
I’ve never had to go through a challenge of being laid off. And I have much more experience in hiring good people and helping people get hired than in letting people go. Yet the letter by Airbnb's CEO Brian Chesky announcing letting go of 1,900 Airbnb people got me thinking: How do you let your people go correctly? And how do you overcome the trauma of being laid off, especially if the work is the large part of your identity?
There is a Russian proverb: "Measure seven times, cut once". To me it reflects the right attitude when you have to let your people go: you need to be thoughtful and thorough in preparing the decision, and fast in communicating and executing it. And if you are part of the layoff, you need to be patient and kind to yourself, yet resist resentment and making this experience a dominant theme of your personal story. Here are the pieces of advice I've found on letting go well.
Book Recommendation: Tiny Beautiful Things
If you asked me which book I would recommend to anyone going through a messy or painful period in life, I would not hesitate to name "Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Someone Who Has Been There" by Cheryl Strayed. This collection of essays from the advice column Dear Sugar was among the books that helped me go through a brief period of darkness and pain a few years ago. It's full of radical empathy, compassion and love. It's human, open and honest. That's what makes you stick to it, makes you believe that whatever the odds, suffering and disappointment, there is always a possibility of hope, rescue and healing. And this healing is entirely and absolutely up to us. One of the kindest books I've ever read.
Gratitude to My Parents
It's Mother's Day, but somehow for me my parents are so indissociable from one another that today I want to thank both Mom and Dad:
For their unconditional love and positive regard. We were and remain a noisy family at times. But I've always known that I am loved and accepted, whatever happens. This unconditional love is incredible in a way it gives you fundamental and calm confidence that the heart of life is good. It's so much easier to go and explore from this secure base.
For their trust in my choices, encouraging me and not imposing their view. There was just one occasion when they insisted: when in my teenage rebellion I intentionally and stupidly screwed up my entrance exam for a mathematical school. I did not want to "lose" my friends. When the second chance presented itself, they took me out of a summer camp, patiently listened to my two hours of shouting, and found the words to calm and convince me. I am grateful for that ever since because my experience in that new class largely shaped my interests, attitude, curiosity and self-confidence.
For a taste of learning new things. As kids we learned so much besides school: playing musical instruments, planting and taking care of a vegetable garden, finding one's way in a dark forest, learning foreign languages, cooking, sewing and knitting, distinguishing edible mushrooms from non-edible etc etc etc. I do not need all these skills all the time, but it just gives me confidence that if I need to learn a new skill, I can.
For the love of culture and reading. When good books were scarce in my childhood in Russia, we had them. Dad was a member of a book club at his research institute and almost every day he returned from work triumphantly announcing from the doorsteps a new addition to our home library. And there was not a single opera or ballet, exhibition or theatre play that me and my sister have not seen.
And finally, for being, together with my parents-in-law, an example of life-long commitment and partnership in their marriage. It's worth it.
What Will You Say?
I loved this Mother's Day video from Echo Storytelling Agency.
Gratitude to My Family - You Are All I Need
Our family name - Divo - in Russian means “a miracle”. So I am lucky to live it every day. It's you who have given me the gift of being a Wife and a Mother and knowing how BIG LOVE can be.
This new song by the Belgian singer and songwriter Selah Sue is very close to how I feel (PS. Her recent Lullaby Sessions recorded in lockdown from her bedroom are incredible).
Stay healthy, stay together, stay unconditionally in love.
Arina