#22 - We Are All (Extra)Ordinary
We Are All (Extra)Ordinary
"Never compare your Google searches to everyone else’s social media posts.”
- Seth Stephens-Davidovitz, "Everybody Lies”
About five years ago, shortly after we moved to Singapore, my eldest son was struggling to secure his place on the first rugby team at school so that he could participate in an international tournament he had been dreaming of. I still fondly remember how every evening we got out for a run and a few drills. Just about the selection time, I happened to attend a talk @INSEAD by Alastair Campbell, the former spokesman and communication strategist for Tony Blair. He was promoting his book “WINNERS and How They Succeed”, full of stories from politics, sports and entertainment. While he was signing a copy for me, I asked how else I could encourage Adrien to persevere. He thought for a second and then quickly found and underlined the following passage: “The winner is the loser who evaluates himself correctly.”
I like this quote not only because it admits that failure is an integral part of success, but also because it shifts the focus from the external comparison to our own action and growth.
‘Anyone can achieve anything’ is a beautiful lie.
‘We don’t really know what we’re capable of until we try’ is the idea I like better.
This first newsletter of 2021 is about a healthy kind of ambition, which for me is
The one that accepts that perfection is an illusion. That we are imperfect, vulnerable, insignificant & ordinary in the grand scheme of things - and yet good enough.
The one that does not sacrifice or neglect the invaluable ‘ordinary’ things such as freedom, family, friendship, health, reputation, as well as dignity & respect of other people, irrespective of their net worth.
The one that is fuelled not by external comparison, excessive expectations, status symbols or material possessions but by our own curiosity, creativity, desire and courage to make things better and discover the things that make us thrive.
The one that starts not with “I should” but with “What if?”
Here are a few resources that I’ve found valuable while exploring this topic.
On Good Enough
A dose of musical self-compassion: a Good Enough Spotify playlist.
A dose of visual self-compassion: Liz and Mollie
If you have
1 minute: Manifesto by Alain de Botton
3 minutes: Good Enough is Good Enough - a short video with a narration by Alain de Botton. ‘We frequently ask ourselves (and our kids) to be not merely good, but perfect. Our perfectionism makes us sick. We need to learn to accept the virtue of being ‘good enough’. We need to learn not to hate ourselves for failing to be what no ordinary human being ever is anyway.’
4 minutes: my own exploration of what ‘Good Enough’ means
7 minutes: Why You Don’t Need to Be Exceptional. ‘Many of us walk the earth with a feeling that, in order to be acceptable, we need to be something very special indeed. It could sound like ambition, but it’s closer to neurosis - and a source of constant and unnecessary pain. Here are some tips to unwind the affliction.'
8 minutes: Why An Ordinary Life is not Good Enough Any More? ‘We are suffering an epidemic of mental unwellness largely bred by the expectation that our lives will be stellar when in fact they’re far more likely to be only to be ordinary.’
On growing and exploring what we are capable of
If you have 30 minutes: It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want to Be, by Paul Arden. ‘Your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have… Don’t look for the next opportunity. The one you have at hand is the opportunity.’
If you have 5 hours: The Magic of Thinking Big, by David J. Schwartz. ‘Never sell yourself short.’
If you have 5.5 hours: Can’t Hurt Me, by David Goggins. ‘The most battles we fight in life would be won or lost in our own minds. The only person you are playing against is yourself.’
I wish you Happy and Healthy 2021! Let it be an ordinary year - in the best sense of the term.
Arina
PS. Adrien has become a fine rugby player since that story. Not because of the trophies he won, not only because he loves the taste of victory, but simply because he LOVES PLAYING this game every time, even when the adversary happens to be stronger…
Illustration: Liz and Mollie