Speak Up or Hold Back?
This article is not about taking the courage to speak up when facing injustice or a moral dilemma. It's about strategies for speaking up in meetings, workshops, classes, or any other situations that require spontaneous speaking in public.
Research has shown that 85% of people feel nervous in high-stake speaking situations. The remaining 15% are probably lying. Nervous or not, when we are moving into leadership roles, people simply expect us to speak up. More importantly, how we speak off the cuff can have a bigger impact than our prepared presentations or speeches - simply because there are MORE opportunities to speak in spontaneous situations than in a prepared environment: every meeting, every single day is an opportunity to make an impact. Compounded, these opportunities to speak up can contribute to more visibility and to a compelling career trajectory. So, how can we be strategic and effective about speaking up?
I was thinking about it a few days ago, as one of my kids was getting ready to take part in a virtual startup boot camp for teens. Not really a high-stakes environment, you might say, and yet there were quite a few unknowns - who will be there? what will be the challenges? how would I compare to others? - that caused some pressure and anxiety to build up. As we were discussing the ways to manage this anxiety, it dawned on me that some of these strategies can also help in a professional setting.
Be Prepared
Plans are worthless, but planning is everything. I really like this quote by Eisenhower and I really believe we should do as much preparation as we can and as time allows. If we are unprepared, we get more tempted to stay invisible and/or nervous. What can go into preparation?
Know your audience and understand what matters to them. What do they expect to get from this meeting?
Know your subject matter. Review the material and prepare a few bullet points, comments and/or questions. You may not use all of them or any at all, yet having them ready will help you be more relaxed.
Know your intent: Why do you care about this topic? What goal do you need to achieve? What point you would want to make? What is the bigger purpose?
Connect the three: How do the subject matter and your intent relate to other participants? What is the common ground? Can there be a conflict of interests? Would other participants have any constraints that impact your objectives? How do your constraints impact their objectives?
Last but not least, if relevant, prepare a strong start and a strong finish. For example, get your short self-introduction ready if you are going into a meeting with new people. Repeat it as many times as necessary not to read but to say it freely.
Be Present
Probably the biggest merit of being prepared is that it makes us feel more relaxed, more conversational and predisposes us to pay more attention not to ourselves and our anxiety but to others in the room. Besides being prepared, I like additional ways to bring us to the present moment:
Before a high-stake communication event, it pays off to do something physical: a quick walk, listening to a song, saying tongue twisters, starting from 100 and counting backward, or just simply paying attention to our breath.
During the meeting, especially a really high-stakes meeting, I love the method of listening with your hands. The most important thing that gets in the way of effective listening is emotion. Stakes are high so we get excited, worried, nervous. An even bigger obstacle to effective listening is our emotional reaction to what we hear: emotions work as a strong filter and create a distorted perception of what the other person says. What can we do? Write down what the other person ACTUALLY says. Not bullet points or key ideas, because you will write down what seems important for you. When you write down what the other person actually says, in her order and in her words, you will have higher chances to uncover what is important for the other person.
Be Agile
Things will certainly go not precisely as planned. Yet being prepared and being present helps us to be agile. Here I mean mental and conversational agility, connecting our preparation, our original intent with what we are perceiving in the present moment.
I really love the metaphor that compares agility to dance: it requires core strength (= our values, preparation, and intent), together with the ability to change focus quickly, extreme flexibility, and range of motion: we know where we want to go yet we remain open to different paths to get there.
Conversational agility is also inviting other people in, going from monologue to dialogue.
Be Obvious
Some situations may create pressure to be original. Be relaxed about it. If there is one piece of advice I really like, it's "dare to be dull". It's liberating, it takes the pressure off. "If the obvious thing you said was on everyone's mind, people will think you're brilliant for saying it. And if your obvious thing is different, people will think it's truly original".
All Else Equal, Speak Up Earlier
It's probably more relevant in a classroom/workshop environment. You may not want to be the very first person to speak up, and there are some benefits to it (you can already get some hooks to relate to in your speech later), yet if you wait for too long to speak up, you may get even more anxious, start comparing yourself with others, feel more pressure to be original - any of this can shut you down. Choosing to speak up earlier can take off some of this anxiety and pressure and create a bonus of presence and agility.
Last but not least,
Know When to Hold Back
I found this advice on when to hold back extremely relevant:
Hold back if the only thing you are trying to do is to show off. Before you open your mouth, ask yourself, why you are speaking.
Hold back if the person you're trying to empower might use this chance to speak. Our power also comes from empowering others.
Hold back if what you are going to say is better left for a one-on-one conversation. Either because the topic is irrelevant for the agenda and/or the entire group, or you may get someone on the defensive. Before you open your mouth, ask yourself, would it be better said privately.
This one is from me. Hold back if your comments make others lose face in public. But don't hold back if your remarks may the person you value gain face and look good. Don't hold back if you know for sure that your question or remark would help someone else in the room.
In sum, speaking up is not just an opportunity to advance your cause. It's an opportunity to build relationships and trust, raise your visibility and impact your career and/or your business.
Leave your comments if you have more strategies when and how to speak up.
Illustration from: Hanna Barczyk Instagram